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You
Shall Have No Other Gods Before Me By
Ann Billington
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Exodus
20 records the account of Moses going up to Mount Sinai to receive the
"Ten Commandments" from God. Without preamble, God announced to
Moses that He was the God who brought them out of Egypt and that they were
to have no other god before Him. For 430 years, Egypt had been home to the
Israelites. Obviously, they were not strangers to Egyptian gods, and it
was necessary for God to establish his authority and preeminence over the
rebellious and wayward people. Israel's
sojourn in Egypt was neither its first nor its last experience with
idolatry. Throughout Israel's history up until the exile to Babylon,
idolatry was a troublesome and recurring problem. God relentlessly and
tirelessly warned the Israelites to repent of idol worship and return to
the worship of the one true God. You may be
thinking, "I am a Christian, and I don't worship idols; and what does
idol worship have to do with marriage anyway?" Even though we are
Christians, we still struggle with idolatry; and the idol of choice is
"self." Back in the
garden prior to the fall, Adam and Eve were selfless in their interactions
with each other. Each was consumed with love for the other, rendering
personal needs and desires as less important than the needs of the other.
God reigned in their hearts, and "self" was unimportant. As we know,
that idyllic existence didn't last. They dethroned God, rebelled, and
turned on each other. When God confronted Adam and Eve with their sin,
selfishness and self-preservation erupted. Adam immediately informed God
that this situation was not his fault, but rather the responsibility lay
with God and the woman God made. If God hadn't made woman who invited him
to sin, none of this would have occurred. God also
confronted Eve. Like Adam, she shifted blame to the serpent as she tried
futilely to save her own skin. Thus, Adam and Eve looked to their own
needs; selfishness dawned, and man and woman have never been the same
since. "Self" became man's first idol, and remains an idol still
firmly entrenched in the hearts of many couples today. Self, selfishness,
self-interest, self-centeredness, self-focus, and pride are all offspring
of "self," and when enthroned in the heart of married couples,
will torpedo their relationship. Individuals
in a marriage come into that intimate relationship hungry. Some of their
needs are legitimate needs created by God, while some needs are the result
of dysfunction or lack of healing. God created us to need relationship
with him. In virtually every civilization from the dawn of history until
now, man has hungered for spiritual fulfillment. God placed that
legitimate need within man so that man's heart would reach for God. God also
created men and women with unique needs that could only be satisfied
within a godly marriage relationship. For example, man is created to need
honor from his wife. If that need is not met, a vacuum will result within
him, and he will become hungry for honor. A woman has a need for love
expressed through sacrifice. When this need is met, she will be secure and
free from fear. In addition
to legitimate needs, we also bring into the marriage some unhealed and
unsanctified needs created in us through neglect, trauma, and hurtful
experiences from the past. These needs further complicate our marital
relationships. The idol of "self" enters the equation as we
begin to prioritize the meeting of our legitimate and illegitimate needs
over the needs of our spouses. A couple
came to see me to discuss their deteriorating marriage. As we talked, it
became obvious that they were engaged in a "tug-of-war" over
needs. They obviously honored the idol of "self," because both
were intent on seeing that their own needs were met first before they
would "give in" to their spouse. She expressed frustration that
her husband never talked to her. She needed relationship, while he
preferred the company of the TV or sports page of the newspaper. He
maintained that she nagged him and never wanted sex. Both had determined
not to give to the other until their own needs were met. Both were
honoring "self," the same idol of "self" that
originated in the garden. However,
Jesus introduced a new concept called "agape love." In John
13:34-35 (NKJV), He said, "A new commandment I give to you, that you
love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By
this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one
another." Jesus loved by serving and by sacrifice. This type of love
by definition is a selfless love not based on a feeling, but based on a
decision to deny oneself and meet the needs of another. Jesus further said
that people would recognize us as Christians because of our agape love.
For agape love to live in us, "self" must die. Unfortunately,
one of the last places we choose to practice this agape love is in our
marriages, and the reason we don't is selfishness. We have erected an idol
of "self" in our hearts, and everything we do and say is based
on our own needs, wants, and desires. We fear that if we don't take care
of our needs, we will be left empty and lost. If we don't manipulate and
force our spouses to bow down to our idol, we will be emotionally
bankrupt. If you find
yourself serving the idol of "self," but fear letting go of your
demands, allow me to suggest the following steps: 1. Repent
of idolatry, of honoring yourself above God and your spouse. If we don't
honor our spouses over ourselves, then we have placed "self" in
the position of first priority by disobeying God. God must be first in our
lives, and our spouses second. 2. Ask the
Lord to teach you how to express agape love to your mate. Expressing agape
love does not come naturally, but must be painstakingly and studiously
learned. 3. Place
your needs on the altar and ask God to see that your needs are met. God is
big enough to take care of us. He tells us to be anxious for nothing, and
with prayer and supplication, to let our needs be known to Him. 4. Commit
to deny "self" and give to your mate without expecting any
reward except from God.
WE
are ONE!!!
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